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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23014051">a red you can see through</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura'>misura</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ghost Sex, M/M, Movie: Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Parent/Child Incest</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:14:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>421</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23014051</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren does not regret killing Han Solo. (This is <strike>a lie</strike> 100% true.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Han Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Writing Rainbow Red</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a red you can see through</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigo_inks/gifts">indigo_inks</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It starts small - a hand on his shoulder, gone when he turns around; someone calling <strike>his name</strike> <i>not</i> his name as he's walking down a corridor.</p>
<p>He dreams of more: a hug, a warm, solid body pressed against his own. A kiss pressed to the top of his head, while someone whispers <i>that name</i> again.</p>
<p>Snoke wouldn't understand, of course, or worse: would only take it as further proof that he's weak, unworthy. So he keeps quiet about it, hopes <strike>his father's ghost</strike> it will go away if he keeps ignoring it, keeps pretending it's nothing, that it's not real. (It isn't.)</p>
<p>He starts seeing <strike>his father</strike> nobody who means anything to him everywhere, until he's almost convinced <strike>his father</strike> the person is really there.</p>
<p>Dreaming - sleeping becomes unbearable, exhausting: he lies awake instead, thinking of <strike>his father</strike> <strike>his mother</strike> no one in particular, his hands reaching for his cock almost without any conscious thought at all: he's young, and angry, and frustrated, and people keep looking at him as if they're afraid he's going to kill them where they stand (as they should be).</p>
<p>"I hate you," he tells the shadows at the edge of his bed, the darkness in the corner of his room. "What, do you want me to say I'm sorry I killed you? I'm not." <strike>(He is.)</strike></p>
<p>"Ben," someone says, and he realizes he's gotten it wrong: the danger wasn't lurking in the dark. It was right next to him all along, as close as close can be.</p>
<p>There's still a hand on his cock, but it's not his (perhaps it never was). It knows what he wants, though, how he likes it. It knows what he calls himself, what he fantasizes about, <i>who</i> he fantasizes about when he does this.</p>
<p>It's good - so good, and over too soon, and when he comes back to himself, he swears on Grandfather's soul that he will never ever let it happen again, that he's risen above things like that, that he's killed the part of him that enjoys it, craves it, as surely as he killed <strike>his father</strike> Han Solo.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(It does happen again, of course. Snoke was right: he's weak, and broken, and maybe Uncle Luke was right, too, in thinking he'd be better off dead.)</p>
<p>("That's not true," someone says, "Luke would never - " but he's learned by now, how to touch a ghost and make it feel and beg and moan in his own voice. It's easy, when you've stopped caring about whether you're alive yourself.)</p>
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